Buying Two Shitty Instagram Bathing Suits Made Me See What’s Wrong With My Whole Life

A Very Specific Interview about marketing and getting so much therapy for the cost of just two sessions.

Sarah Miller


Clay sculptures of Instagram One-Piece Bathing Suits Rebecca Ackermann

For my fourth Very Specific Interview™ I talked to writer and designer Rebecca Ackermann about Instagram brand one pieces and much, much more.

Sarah: Rebecca, I want to say how brave you are for stepping forward and admitting you bought one shitty Instagram bathing suit that you despised and then turning around and ordering another one. But before we start, let’s thank Emily Gould, who was brave enough to pave the way in this work by coming forward with her own story about her Instagram bra. Ok. So. The hero begins in their ordinary world, wanting a bathing suit… was it for sports, a vacation or just “shit I need a bathing suit!?”

Rebecca: I am just always searching for the perfect one piece. It is an eternal search. I first tried a ribbed one piece from Andie “swimwear by women for women” that compared itself to the classic J. Crew scoop back.

Is there a reason you didn’t just get the J. Crew scoop back… is it discontinued?

I have a body with boobs so that scoop back is an impossible dream. The Andie version had a support shelf & cups.

Andie scares me as a brand name. It seems disingenuous. I don’t know why but I am hoping the reason will reveal itself to me during this conversation.

It reminds me of Andie McDowell…In Four Weddings & a Funeral specifically. It suggests a weird kind of basic aspiration.

Makes sense. The bathing suit looked good on film but is not so good at acting! At doing its job!

I ordered it thinking I’d discovered a hack where I could get the J. Crew scoop back but for boobs and never have to go into a dressing room.

How did it fail at this?

The top was too low cut and the bottom was too high cut and it looked both way too sexy and way too matronly. Looking at myself in it, I was like, Gee, could I look MORE like a mom but also completely inappropriate? You’re going to ask if I returned it and no, I did not because I am a goblin and…



Sarah Miller

Sarah Miller is a writer living in Northern California.