What to Do When Your Neighbor Thinks Climate Change Isn’t Real

The answer isn’t “Make him give you appliances” but it might as well be

We have lived in this house for seven years and the refrigerator has sucked from Day 1. Anything put on the top shelf freezes, but at least that shelf exists. The other big shelf — it broke. This allows us to store pretty tall things in there, like, if we got in a head-on collision with an owl we could stand it up in our refrigerator overnight instead of having to call an emergency taxidermist, but mostly it just means we’re down a shelf, which, given that the railings (? Do refrigerators have railings?) on the door shelves are all broken at the joint means you’re not talking about a lot of good places to put stuff. Of course we use those shelves anyway, because we have to, and about every fifth time we open the refrigerator the railings fall apart and everything falls out and as we clean up shards of glass and pepperocinis and chunks of dog food sitting in goat milk we’re like goddamit it fuck this fucking refrigerator and fuck everything.

Almost the whole time we’ve been living in this house with our shitty refrigerator this house flipper dude has been working on the house across the street. Unclear what’s taking him so long. The guy is perfectly nice, maybe sixty, always friendly, but he’s…